The Impossible Dream

March 3, 2022

The impossible dream has always been for me to have yaks. Most people only google-know what a yak even looks like, let alone seeing one in real life. It’s a whole other level to actually own them. I always thought of it as an impossibility since we lived at sea level elevation and yaks need at least 3,000 ft elevation, prefer the high desert and really don’t care much for hot weather. I opined—I will never live in a place that is right for yaks. Oh well, in the spirit world I can have yaks. I did have a dream though that I was walking a yak on a leader rope and I lead it into the house and it was so big it barely fit through the door. Little did I know I would indeed move to a high desert, perfect climate for yaks, and have enough land for them and everything. Even when we moved here, I thought someday we might have yaks, but with a twist of fate we found out that our house is registered to the greenbelt. What is the greenbelt, you ask? We asked that too, it means if you are a farmer of some sort, you get a discount on your property taxes, and if you let it lapse by not having animals/crops for a year, then you lose the status and it takes years to qualify to get it back. So out of nowhere, we were required to be a farmer now. We had to decide what kind of animal to get to fulfill the requirements, sheep? too noisy, and they have those weird eyes. Goats sound disgusting and are a pain in the butt—I’ve heard—they don’t respect fences and they eat everything they ain’t s’posed to. Horses are awesome, but they need stuff. They are yet another very stuff-heavy hobby. Except their stuff is jumbo sized. They need buildings, like tack area and a stable, we just don’t have it. We are not ready for horses. Cows, surprisingly, also need shelter in the winter, which we don’t have. Their poop is stinky and plentiful, as with all the animals listed thus far. Pigs? we know nothing about pigs and what can you do with them besides eat them? We are mostly plant-based so that just isn’t going to work for us. Which leaves the impossible dream: Yaks. Yaks don’t make any noise, except a very low grunting which is adorable and you really can’t hear it unless you are right next to them. They respect fences, they don’t cause trouble, allegedly. And their poop has very little odor. People do eat the meat, but I’m not going to do that. I would like to process their fiber into yarn. That would be amazing. So Yaks are just the obvious choice, naturally. I can’t imagine how cool it will be to someday have a God Ball made from my very own home-grown yak yarn.

There’s so much to do in preparation for them, I have to fix the fence because it’s saggy and falling down in some places, so we had to buy 2,000 T-post clips which are these strange little pieces of wire that fasten the cattle-panel fence to the posts, but it needs this fancy little “clip bender” tool that is way too satisfying to use. But there’s only 1 mile of fencing to fix around this 20 acre property.…it’s really hard work. Winston and I go out everyday and fix a few posts. I keep Winston entertained by called it the Pirate ship. Ayyyyy Matey! Shiver me timbers! We have to fix the ship before the enemy comes and shoots their cannon balls at us. You don’t want to be a lily-livered land lover do you?! Swab the deck. Arrrrr!

We bought a crazy dangerous high-lift jack that will pull the fence posts out of the ground. You know, it’s like the old fashioned car jacks that used to kill people before they improved the design. Ganesh is the only one strong enough to do it. There was an ugly stretch of fence that lined our driveway that bothered Ganesh, he thought it was ruining the “curb appeal” which is ironic because we don’t have a curb. We pulled all the posts out, rolled up the fence like a giant roll of toilet paper which was very heavy and then pushed the roll across the land to a different part of the land. then we had to unroll it and use a ladder and a sledge hammer to drive the stakes back down. I couldn’t believe we were capable of such things. Then we moved a second stretch of fence by the dragging method which was equally hard in its own way. First we pulled up the posts, then it was laying flat on the ground and it took three of us to swing it around like a 200 foot long floppy door. It felt very reminiscent of my favorite scene in Shipping News where the ancestors drag the house across the frozen tundra. That’s what we had to do, but not a house. 

Then at the last minute the Yak people told us that we need a small coral to put the yaks in a first until they get used to us. So we fortunately just happened to have some cattle panel metal things that pin together at the hinges. We had to tie them to Dad’s car and drag them across the land out to the what we call the Yak Shack, the little shade shelter for them. We seriously need a pickup truck. Add that to the enormous list of things we need. So we built them a little 20’ x 30’ coral for them to be in. We bought some buckets, and some leaders and hay bails. Phew!

So many questions! What treats do they like, how do I spoil them? Do you have to give them baths? Do they like hugs? :P